The Adventures of Ikeaman and Little Finny 1
by spacebuddha
Summary: Episode 1: Switzerland's bargin disater.
1. Chapter 1

Long ago, in a cold and barren land, legend has it that an ancient Norse God bestowed his weapon and power to a mortal. This weapon was no hammer or sword, it was a key. The God was curiously named Allen. The mortal's name was Berwald, but he preferred the term, Sweden. With Allen's key, Sweden had the power to create any wonderful piece of furniture out of flat pack and a few screws. Sweden took his power with pride and with it he shared his power and weapon with all people, so they could have fashionable furniture at a reasonable price. Not only that, he sold damn tasty food at his stores. With his Allen key Sweden became Ikeaman; helping his fellow countries tidy up their houses with furniture items with funny sounding names (the Norse God was very keen on that). However, Ikeaman couldn't do this alone, so he bought his questionable wife, Finland, along to help as well. Any superhero needed a butler, so Sweden enlisted the help of Iceland for that who became Mr Puffs. Together in their adventures, they rid the world of shabby furniture and face corrupt evildoers from destroying everything beloved in furniture and family.

These are the adventures of Ikeaman and Little Finny

It was just an average morning at the Nordic café. Denmark was busy in his office as manager, thinking of new sale promotions and drinking beer. Iceland was in charge of the till, with a little toy puffin on the till and a bowl of liquorice by him. Norway resided in the kitchen cooking various fish dishes with barrels of rotting fish in the corner, strangely no customer seemed interested in his rakfisk dish. Finally, it was just Finland and Sweden left, and they were the two waiters who served and catered to the collection of other countries.

It was early morning; the customers were few and most likely Germany. Today was no exception. Germany sat at his established table, nursing a cold beer while trying his best to wake up the sleeping Italy.

'Vake up this instant Italy, we have an important training session today and I can't be having you sleeping and slacking off!' He yelled to no avail. Italy dribbled on the table slightly and yawned.

'No…five minutes please? Just five more minutes to geta little more sleepy time..,' Italy tiredly said.

'No you vill vake up this instant before I shove this wurst so far up your poopshoot you'll be craping out meatballs for a veek! Why can't you be more like Japan? Vould it kill your lazy ass to be a bit ready in the morning? I mean come on its only 6am!' However about halfway though the speech, Italy had gone into the land of pasta once again.

Before Germany could burst a deutch vein and squeeze Italy's fun bags until he sings Marukaite Chikyuu as a chibi, Sweden came to help.

'Here. Let me help,' Sweden announced bluntly.

'Uhh okay just don't hurt him too much,' Germany replied. Sweden nodded and slowly bent over the sleeping Italy until their eyes were level. Sweden had the look of utter concentration and at that moment Italy opened his eyes.

The sheer sight of the Swedish man staring into his soul sent him flying 10 feet in the air like his chair had springs in it and quivering in Germany's arms. 'Ah Germany! Germany! I'm scared; don't let the scary man eat me please! I'm too pretty to die! Too many ladies I haven't kissed look look I'm awake! I'm awaaaaaakkkeeeeeee'

'I was just going to give you this coffee, so it'll help you wake up,' Sweden said handing over a toasty mug of coffee. Italy immediately followed his orders and took the coffee into his trembling hands and drank it all in one gulp.

'Ve! Thank you. Yes I'm very awake now, please Germany please let us go and please don't let the scary man hurt me,' Italy pleaded.

'Wow Sweden, you got Italy up in no time. I admire that, here's an extra tip,' Germany said respectfully, as Germany always had a thing for guys with blond hair and blue eyes. Italy and Germany got up and left quickly, Italy now shaking with the caffeine rush.

Sweden watched them go coldly and once the door had closed, he announced, 'Nice guys.'

'Wow Mr Sweden you served them really well! I could have never done a thing like that!' Finland happily said.

'Thanks I guess. I got 5 Euros from those two, which is good.'

'Oh that is so good, I'm so happy for you. I got 10 Euros and a Greek yogurt from Greece. Poor little Greecy, he can barely handle his money and has slept so much he doesn't know what time of day it is….but 5 Euros is still really good!' Finland smiled nervously awaiting Sweden's response.

After a short awkward silence Sweden finally replied, 'Yah, I am happy for you.'

Finland gave a big smile and nodded as a little sweat drop went down his fragile cheek. Finny looked around desperately for customers or any other distraction, luckily Liechtenstein busted through the doors.

'Help! Help my big bruther is in trouble!' Liechtenstein pleaded, shaking like a lost fawn.

'Okay calm down little lady and explain what happen,' Finland questioned, sitting he down.

When she calmed down slightly she began, 'Well my bruther bought a cupboard from British home store because it was on sale, but when he put it up and started putting his cheese in it, it collapsed on him!' She cried, 'Help get him out please, he's trapped and I'm too weak to get him out!'

Sweden's eyes twitched with justice and his lip slowly turned stern. 'I see, oh my, this is very serious. Firstly why don't we go and get'- Finland began

'No,' Sweden interrupted, causing Finland to yelp. 'You know what to do. Little girl please stay here. Iceland, close the store for 30 minutes.' Sweden commanded.

Sweden and Finland left Liechtenstein and started walking towards the back door when Iceland shouted, 'Hey what the hell man you can't do that, we'll lose loads of customers and Denmark with have a shit fit at me. Just call the police or something'

Sweden paused for a moment and turned round to Iceland and uttered, 'Mr Puffs.'

With that Iceland sighed and nodded and closed the store. Once the back door was opened and Sweden and Finland went in, they suddenly fell down a blue slide.

'Ahhhhhh! Mr Sweden, what are we doing?!' Finland screamed

'Simple,' Sweden said, 'It's time to become Ikeaman and the little Finny!'


	2. Chapter 2

Once the duo had landed off the slide, they found themselves in Sweden's underground Ikea. Finland also found out that they were both fully dressed in their superhero garbs. Sweden's waiter attire had vanished, and in is place he wore a bright yellow polo shirt with a large Ikea logo plastered across his chest. Around his belt he had a collection of Allen keys, wrenches and screws. As a cape he wore a large and proud Swedish flag and underneath that he had a secret Ikea catalogue strapped to his back. His trousers and shoes remained unchanged because he didn't want to get completely naked in front of Finland, well not yet in any case. Finally he wore his strapped kepi hat to top everything off. Thus, Ikeaman's transformation was complete.

Finland wore his pleasant blue uniform with a fluffy red cape on top. He also had his floppy white hat on his head. In his hand he carried his large white sack which contained spare items for Sweden, food for when his tummy rumbled and other Finnish goodies. Finland looked at Sweden curiously, 'I didn't know the slide led down to here.'

'It's for emergencies,' Ikeaman answered.

'So I guess the plan is get some shelves for Switzerland? Right Swe- I mean Ikeaman.'

Ikeaman tilted his head slightly, 'Correct... Hmmmm,' he whipped out his Ikea catalogue and carefully flicked though the pages. He stopped at a suitable page a tapped his finger over a picture, 'There! The Expedit shelving unit should do,' Ikeaman announced.

'Okay, we should get the white once because Switzerland likes the cheapest ones,' Finny added.

'Yes, yes we shall Finny,' Ikeaman said, closing the book, 'get the trolley, its time to show Switzerland what good quality cheap furniture is'

Finney saluted and in a flash swung round a metal Ikea trolley with excitement. After that he jumped on the trolley while Ikeaman took not of the shelves' location in the warehouse. With that task done Ikeaman pushed the trolley down one the many aisles loaded with seemingly endless amounts of smooth, brown cardboard boxes. Ikeaman pushed and ran with as much might and power as America when he's on a burger run. He then suddenly halted causing Finny to hold onto the metal for dear life. The reason he stopped was that the glorious cardboard box for the simple white Expedit shelf was before him. Noticing his cue, Finney effortlessly slid the box onto the trolley and parked his tush at the top.

'And now we roll,' Ikeaman proclaimed and they flew out the store as quickly as they could.

As Ikeaman rushed out the entrance pushing Finny like some deranged nurse, Russia watched them from afar, sipping vodka. After he watched them go he stared deeply at his bottle. The profound concentration may indicate deep meaningful thought that the sight he had just witnessed has been brought on by a mixture of his emotional scars and heavy drinking. However after a few moments of staring at the bottle he simply shrugged smiled and chugged away. Who knows what goes on his mind.

As Ikeaman ran his cape fluttered like the waves of the Baltic Sea and his blond hair swayed like wheat fields in the wind. Finny bounced uncomfortably on the trolley and wished Ikeaman wasn't so rough. The two drew nearer to Switzerland's house Poland past them on his pony, 'Oh wow, like ponies are the so in thing. Ha ha Lithuania don't they look like tramps?' Poland blurted out.

'Uh that's Ikeaman Poland, he goes on rescue missions or I think delivers furniture to people, some say he's a superhero,' Lithuania answered, walking beside the rockin pony.

'Superhero? Cool I totally want to get into trouble so like Ikeaman would show off his awesome powers,' said Poland.

During the final sweep Ikeaman's determination and speed increased, causing him not to be so road savvy. The result of this was that he only narrowly missed hitting Canada, causing his to do a little yelp. Ikeaman and Finny bounded into the house and rammed into the living room and they stood in shock at what they saw. Switzerland groaned and wiggled under the broken furniture in his pink nightie covered in cheese. It looked like a game show Japan came up with if he was drunk.

'Don't worry Switzerland, Ikeaman and Finny are here to help!' Finny shouted and with that Ikeaman lifted up the shelving unit and with all his might threw it out the open window. He looked out at the mess of wood and sticks. He stared at it for a moment and looked like he was going to say something, but he just turned back around to Switzerland. Then he thought, ah I could have said 'rest in pieces,' oh well. Switzerland sighed with relief at the sudden release of his prison but then look devastated at the money he wasted.

In a flash Ikeaman removed the box's contents and with one glimpse of the instructions, managed to build up the Expedit unit, with Finny holding a few planks and some tools, in a matter of two minutes.

Ikeaman stood in front of the finished product with, there was not a single fault with it. The pride of Swedish design was exhibited perfectly before Switzerland. He sat on the floor astonished, 'You've saved my life, I would have resorted to eating my prized cheese collection'

Ikeaman nodded and Finny said, 'no need to thank us, it's all in a day's work'

'I'm sure it is, how can I ever repay you?' Switzerland asked.

'No money. Just promise me that next time you shop Ikea,' Ikeaman replied.

'Hmm but that depends if I can save money at all,'

Ikeaman smiled, 'my friend, Expedit was probably half the price than the piece of junk outside,'

'I do hope so,' Switzerland said, standing up and picking cheese with his back to them, 'I've learned to be more wary of British home store's offers, hopefully I'll get some money out the wood. And to think in any other scenario I would have shot you two on sight.' However when he turned round he discovered that both Ikeaman and Finny had vanished and the sound of a squeaky trolley could be heard in the distance


	3. Chapter 3

The next day after the Switzerland incident Sweden sat at home with his family sipping a coca drink and mulling over the newspaper. The main headline of Newstalia was 'Switzerland's cheesy rescue' which detailed how Ikeaman bravely saved another country in need once again. The article, written by Germany, contained an account by Switzerland of how the not so masked crusader and his Christmassy sidekick taught him to lay his trust in Ikea. Sweden smiled to himself, happily anticipating another loyal customer.

Sealand, who was sitting next to Sweden, looked over at the newspaper and excitedly said, 'Oh wow, Ikeaman is so cool, have you ever seen him?' Sweden shook his head slowly. 'You know, I'll be a great superhero like Ikeaman and then people will recognise me as a country!'

'But you'll need a name first,' Sweden questioned.

'Yeah I do! Let's see…...' Sealand thought for a second, 'I know! I'll be called Seaman!' Sweden raised an eyebrow and lightly patted Sealand's head.

'I would keep working on that name if I was you,' Finland let out a little chuckle over Sealand's naivety and rubbed his achy bum from sitting on that trolley for too long. Phew being a superhero is tough work for me, Finland thought to himself as he watched Sealand run over to watch some more TV, much to Sweden's annoyance.

Meanwhile at the not a totally evil headquarters palace another gentleman was reading the exact same newspaper, however not as happily. He angrily ripped it in half and screwed up the pieces ranting, 'What the bloody hell! This is preposterous! I made sure that cupboard was 100% safe and look what happened! That damn Ikeaman swooped in when it wasn't his business. I can't believe they're actually advertising Ikea. Why not BHS?! After all I've worked for still Ikeaman steals all the credit and acts like Ikea is the most perfect place in the world. I'm finished with being nice…Ikeaman, this is war!' The lights dimmed and a crack of lighting cued the start of the manic laughter that erupted from the man's mouth. His eyes flickered with glee and sweet revenge and he mind began to build up devious plans like Tetris blocks for the downfall of Ikea and Ikeaman.

As the moon rose over the land so did a new threat to Ikeaman.

Stay tuned for further adventures of Ikeaman and Finny!


End file.
